artistry

The older I get the more I think of God as an artist. Whether it's a stunning sunset, the uniqueness of a loved one's face, or a beautiful piece of music, I see God's artistry in everything. This is a far cry from my perspective on God as a child, both through my experiences and what I was taught about Him. That God was distant, obviously angry (judging by the volume of the pastors' voices that I had the misfortune of listening to growing up), and more concerned with us being "moral" than anything to do with love, justice, or beauty.

I was having a conversation with some good friends recently and one of them was talking about having read something to do our lives being like paintings (and I would argue complex and detailed paintings) with the bright colours being the good times and happiness, while the dark colours are our sufferings and trials. He asked us "how boring and undifferentiated would it be if our lives were all happiness and ease? Sure, the colours might be pretty to look at for a second or two, but where's the depth, the detail?" He then went on to explain how it's the dark colours that provide the contrast in a painting, that help to highlight the details and supply perspective.

Later that evening, after Caitlin and I had gone home, I realized how it really is our trials that give us depth of character and perseverance in the face of suffering. Looking back over my life, it's the depression, disappointments, frustrations, hurts and pain (all of which I've had relatively little when compared to some) that have shaped me far more than my triumphs and happiness. My 'painting' does not have nearly the depth and contrast of that of other people in my life and maybe that is still to come for me. Don't get me wrong, I far prefer the times when life is fun and relaxing, but I am well aware that most of my good qualities, if not all of them, have been developed in the midst of trial. I think it's also important to clarify that I think God allows suffering and not that he is the source of it, nor do I believe He piles it on us to 'teach us a lesson'. I think it' is in the allowance of suffering that God paints the dark colours into our lives.

I will not even attempt to explain suffering because a) I am not smart enough and b) I think that to do so is to minimize and potentially trivialize the struggles of people I love. The question "why do people have to suffer?" is one I find myself asking less and less as time goes on because there is no satisfactory answer for me; it cannot just be summed up in some tidy little package of an answer. It is much like trying to chase down the wind. That question also leads me down a path of anger and frustration when I ruminate on it too much and Lord knows I do not need any help getting angry--I could teach PhD-level courses on how to get angry at the drop of a hat, which is not something I am proud of! What I do find curious, however, is how we develop most when we're stripped of our comfort and security...

I realize that none of the above provides any answers--in fact, like always, it just provides more questions and ideas to think about...


P.S. The photo above was taken by my wife Caitlin as the sun was setting on the edge of Venice at the very beginning of November 2007. It looks a bit like a painting, does it not?