on patience

I am not a patient person, a fact that is highlighted for me, quite obviously, every day of my life. I am by nature high strung, about which there is little I can do, but I also have little or no tolerance for people who haven't been "pre-approved" by me, those "in" people being my family and friends. Situations lately have brought this home to me and I realize, now that there are young people looking to me for guidance/leadership, that it is a HUGE fault of mine. People have said things to me like, "you have a right to get irritated with people, you deal with some real idiots" or "the drivers in this city are terrible and it's not surprising that you get overtaken with road rage sometimes." The problem is, I don't see these ostensibly encouraging words as justification for my impatience and the way in which I act upon it.

It has slowly dawned on me that my constant impatience/frustration/irritation is a signal that I have set myself up, whether intentionally or unintentionally, as superior to others. Sadly, deep down I believe that "if more people in the world were like me, the world would definitely be a better place because I am/have (fill in the blank)" and "you would NEVER catch me acting like/doing that." These are both lies. The flip side to this is that if more people in the world were like me then there would be even more anger, intolerance, and lack of compassion for others as well. To admit that you have a more negative influence on the world around you than you do a positive one is both humbling and disheartening, but I am doing it here because I want to change.

As someone who tries (and continually fails) to model his life on that of Christ, my lack of patience and understanding with those who don't meet my expectations of "proper behaviour" or "correct action" is something of which I am ashamed. It is a form of passing judgment on others and thus is something I want cut from my life. In addition, so many people over the years have been incredibly patient and loving with me and can be credited in part for whatever virtues I do have. It compels me to exhibit the patience I have been shown throughout my life and learn to extend grace to those who frustrate me. May God give me the strength to do this and have mercy on me.