unrelated randomness as well as an update

I am following up my stupid survey post with just some random thoughts/musings as well as an update on my professional life (or more succinctly, lack thereof at this moment).

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I was hit very hard by some song lyrics over the past week that I think do a very good job of summing up what's wrong with me:

"I never learned to count my blessings, I choose instead to dwell in my disasters"

"Well, it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fires inside me"

- Ray Lamontagne, "Empty"

I am amazed just how hard those lyrics hit me while I was driving last week--I almost thought I was going to have to pull the car over because of the strength of the emotions running through me. It was like someone had sucked all the air out of my lungs for a brief instant and I could feel my throat constrict as I bit back tears. For that split second, I could feel a whole mixture of pain, rage, and sadness as I considered the person I was, that secret self that only you as an individual can know and I was/am thoroughly dispirited with that knowledge.

Though I am a music snob and lyrics are something to which I normally pay attention, they are often secondary to the actual music. The fact that I had listened to this song probably 25 times before actually really hearing those lyrics testifies to this fact. I will never hear that song the same way again...

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I need to start reading more. I have a whole list of books that I keep saying I am going to get to and I need to make a concerted effort to make it happen--and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I am a librarian. Here I am recommending books to those who ask, but I am not doing much reading myself, which makes me think I should get on it. My mind needs some stuff to chew on.

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I hate cleaning. I mean, I like the end result of cleaning because I am a bit of a neat freak, but the actual act is really little fun. I found out how much I detest mopping the floor today, which to me seems in exercise in futility because you can never get the damn thing totally clean. I ended up having a mini-spazz and having to take deep breaths in order to prevent myself from totally LOSING it and screaming my extremely creative profanity combos (and believe me, I have some real doozies). I have no patience. At all.

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So, I have have my long awaited interview at Greater Victoria Public Library this Wednesday afternoon. I am excited, but terribly nervous also. Though I tend to perform well in interviews, I don't particularly enjoy the pressure of being examined and the fact that it is a one-shot deal to prove/sell myself. If a person is having an off day, it can totally affect the outcome of an interview and there goes your one chance. Normally, there are no mulligans, no do-overs. My prayer is that a) I don't say something stupid, b) I don't forget all my librarian stuff, seeing that it's been 8 or 9 months since I have had any real contact with the world of librarianship, and c) that I don't get a question that "deer in the headlights" me, my ultimate fear. Thankfully, as one of my friends so eloquently put it, libraries are often looking for "guybrarians", so perhaps that gives me a bit of a leg up.

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I am enjoying my daily cycle to work and home (for those of you who don't know, I am doing some contract work for the company my wife works for), but the many hills are really killer. I am definitely having to work very hard to haul my lazy ass up each and every one of them. However, the ride gives me a lot of energy and sets a positive tone for the rest of the day, which is good for me, the pessimist.

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Here can be found the things that Meat Loaf would do for love.

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What happened to me and the phone? I used to enjoy talking on the phone and now I avoid it at almost all costs. I prefer to communicate in person or via the internets (thanks Michelle!), but I only use the phone if necessary. I also find when I am on the phone, I get distracted by numerous other things and often find that I am not really paying attention unless the conversation is particularly riveting, important, or if I know it's going to be short and sweet.

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I am continually asked "how can you LIVE without cable?" and the main reason is that 90% if the stuff on TV is crap. Check out these "winners": no-talent, fame-hungry morons on American Idol, skinny, bratty waifs on American's Next Top Model (which I have not been able to bring myself to watch), Bret Michaels of Poison and his "household o' hos" on Rock of Love, the beating-a-dead-horse monotony of Survivor (with the always amazing Jeff Probst--barf) not to mention countless other vacuous, brain-sucking drivel with absolutely no redeeming value. What do I like on television? The Office, Seinfeld re-runs, Hockey Night in Canada, and the newly introduced 30 Rock are about all that I would watch if I did have cable and, to me, four shows are not enough for me to pay $40/month for.

Until next time...