reflections on my travels through the ol' US of A

I am coming to the end of the bittersweet experience of driving home in a U-Haul with my wife and all my earthly possessions from London, Ontario to Victoria, British Columbia. It’s bitter because I met and grew to love a small group of people during my 13 months in London and it has been far harder than I thought it would be to leave them; however, it is so lovely to be sitting on the 7:00 p.m. sailing of BC Ferries from Tsawassen (Vancouver) to Schwartz Bay (Victoria) and to know that I am going to be home in British Columbia for good (before leaving for Europe for three months this coming Wednesday!). We drove through the States to get here and once I again I found myself flummoxed by my experiences in the Dubya’s country. Here are some observations I made during our journey:

1. If you were to judge the country based purely on what is found along the interstate highways, America was built on fast food. McDonalds, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Wendy’s, A&W, and Arby’s, just to name a few, are found EVERYWHERE!! It’s more than a little disgusting, to be honest. And the American population, as a whole, is grossly overweight—big shocker there…

2. I can unreservedly say that I do not enjoy being in the States at all and cannot wait to get back to our home and native land as soon as I possibly can. I carry with me a feeling of unease whenever I am there and an irrational (or not so) fear for my life wherever I go. Perhaps it’s that whole “right to bear arms” dealie that does it. On top of that, the jingoistic attitude, especially in the midwestern states is totally scary to me. Bumper stickers with the slogans like “the power of pride” and “in God we trust” superimposed on the American flag are downright FRIGHTENING. Combine these attitudes with the fact that the American people elected the dumbest politician in world history (twice!) to be the leader of the Free World and what you have is a recipe for disaster. It’s funny that Canada is in such close proximity to the US and is indelibly influenced by it, yet is so culturally dissimilar (in my humble opinion) despite what some Canadians believe. Honestly, I could go on about this forever, so I will just stop there. Oh, and for the record, I have some American friends who are absolutely brilliant and whom I adore that would probably agree with me…

3. Wisconsin is really nice. I don’t know whether it is the great cheese, the well-paved interstate, or the fact that Madison (the capital and birthplace of my friend Megan Potts) was once voted the best place in America to live, but I really dug Wisconsin a lot. It was clean, the people were really nice, the cheese (Colby Jack in this case) was fantastic, and I actually felt safe for the only time on the trip while I was there. It was lush, green, and very scenic. Wisconsin gets my vote as Most Underrated State in the Union.

4. I am a road warrior. I can drive and drive and drive (and drive) for hours on end because I am a man on a mission. I am totally my father’s son because ole Billzebub (the Dark Prince of Port Alberni a.k.a. my father Bill) can go for days without food, drink, or sleep when he’s on a road trip—let’s face it, the man’s a friggin’ camel! Had I not had my slightly-less-hardy wife as a companion, I might have even gone harder than I did. However, she is, as always, the voice of reason and managed to be both a calming influence and a very, very good navigator. I am ashamed to admit, as a male, that her sense of direction is superior to mine. My already barely-on-the-radar “man cred” is taking yet another beating and creeping into the negatives…

5. When you have a laptop computer, hotels with free wireless internet are awesome.

6. I hate Montana.

7. The Imperial system of measurement is totally ludicrous. It makes no sense when compared to the (obviously superior) Metric system—having a base-10 system is reasonable, intuitive, and far more straightforward than a system with random numbers. How many feet in a yard? How many ounces in a gallon? And what the hell is Fahrenheit anyways?

8. I love hearing my daily weather forecast in degrees Celsius.

9. The States may have a better sounding anthem (at least the melody), but Canadian beer is so superior that there is no point even bothering to argue it here—it’s a moot point.

10. If I hear one more cheesy Christian radio station or country music station I am going to shoot myself. They DOMINATE the airwaves in the USA and you cannot get through the entire dial without landing on a number of each. I have been a Christian my entire life, but I loathe contemporary Christian music/radio for its lack of authenticity and its misrepresentation of both Christianity and the Christian life. All that bubbly, saccharine “positivity” crap that the DJs spout and the tragically poor music they play is just terrible —honestly, I could rant about this ad nauseum (and believe me, I have, just ask my wife and closest friends) so I will leave it at that. As for “new” country music, it is no different than top 40 just with slide guitars, twang, and drawling. This I find it appallingly bad and if saying that makes enemies out of some of my readers, it’s a chance I am willing to take. After all, I am a music snob.